My shadow

There is turbulence in me

Damn, i know too well this feeling.

I stop myself from thinking

but this i can't

I want to know the details

yes, they hurt so much i could cry out loud

but this hurting will help to grow my shield

they will help to forget the sweetest part i or you don't need anymore

i want to be able to take You as a friend

i want to understand fully without any questions

keywords are: unconditional trust

Till then i hurt myself with imagination i can't stop blowing

No-one can say what i have to or dont have to feel

Feelings grow and die in me

like in every one of us

Sad, that sometimes too fast for separate parts

I want to be strong

I want to be understood

I want to shout and cry when i want

I want to be so happy that i can't stop crying

I want to love and be loved with all my heart and soul

to complete myself and not lose or exchange

Till then i'm giving away parts of me, what i will never get back

I have'nt learned to not give, not trust, not believe all the words and acts

Maybe i never will, maybe i'm ment to be a empty shadow where people feel comfort

place where to find themselves and leave

But who will bring ME out of that darkness?

Thow i like it sometimes...

but i like more helping others

But i cannot help anyone, when i'm empty inside

That sadens me so much

that i could be afraid of my own shadow and breeding again

I've been there, I've done that

That was a long way to come back

but i remember by heart the way to the bottom of the blindness

i don't know if i can find the right road again, if i close my eyes and leave

to pleace where there is me and my peaceful but self-forgeting silence